League Match vs Island CC, 10th May 2008, London Fields

'there are two things worth fighting for in life; love and cricket'
by Dave Lane (Dave 2)

It would be a lie to say there was not a mild sense of fear as Island CC arrived in a minibus and ran to the pitch, already in perfectly matching whites. London fields took a far more sensible approach and after a beer in the pub strolled leisurely to the square. Dave 1 won the toss and elected to enjoy the mid day sun from the sidelines. Robin and Paul changed from their matching surf shorts, sunnies and flip flop combos and walked to the wicket oozing that mild air of arrogance that all good openers posses. They laid strong foundations against a reasonable and accurate bowling attack, playing with the perfect combination of aggression and restraint. A bowling change bought the first cheap wicket, as, used to a constant line and length Paul scooped a stray full toss to a short mid off.

This dismissal seemed to spark the fuse of a mini collapse, as first Graeme and then Dave 2 fell in nearly as many overs. After a brief but efficient effort from Richard, Dave 1 and Arthur put us back on track with El Capitano looking solid for his top scoring 41. Arthur aided the comeback, opening up with some massive straight sixes, reminding us why the club insurance policy is necessary. Dave 3 also put in a good stint, adding vital runs at the end of the innings, and with a healthy share of extras this brought us to a defendable 219.

After orange segments and a delicious ginger cake, which may or may not have been baked by Graeme that very morning, we returned to the pitch. Graeme, incidentally is very comfortable being a cake-baking metros3xual male as is Dave 2 who has a very fetching pink grip and toe on his new bat. Their openers were on track and looking in good form, connecting with a number of Graeme's and Simon's looser balls.

Cue drunk Hackney Council Tax Paying Citizen number one; what followed is surely one of the most memorable episodes in the entire history of the beautiful game (well, on London Fields anyway).

Sitting on the strip and refusing to move, Mr Angry staged a 15 minute protest against cricket and fun in general. At one point removing the stumps to wield in semi-aggressive and very unbalanced attack on the opposition's eldest player who had provoked him with authoritarian tactics borrowed from his possible stint as a scout leader or Head Master.

Cue Drunk Hackney Council Tax Paying (and Cricket Loving) Citizen number two who, after a 100m trek of intent from behind the Long On boundary, stopped and uttered the quote of the day 'there are two things worth fighting for in life; love and cricket'. He then proceeded to pass his gold watch to Dave 3 and engage Mr Angry in some old school and technically flawed fisty cuffs. Finally the Metropolitan Police arrived (too late to stop the violence and more than a week early for their forthcoming fixture), skidding their bikes on the wicket and driving their van on to the square.

The entire episode seemed to break the concentration of the batting side, and soon after play resumed wickets began to fall. Dave 2 slid through a small dog poo to run out their opener who had embarked on a suicidal single. Following this, none of the opposition's youthful batting attack really found form. Some inspired field placings from Dave 1 and some fine spin bowling from Dave 3 and Arthur resulted in six catches, two from Robin, one from Simon, one from Dave 1, one from Dave 2 and a gymnastic, one handed catch from Dave 3.

Finally the ball was thrown to Tony who, even nursing a bad back, consistantly put it on the spot and took 3 wickets, finishing the opposition off 70 runs short of the desired total.

The day's events posed questions about the way cricket in England is viewed by the Tennants-swigging masses, the response time of local police and whether Drunk Hackney Council Tax Paying (and Cricket Loving) Citizen number two should take some boxing lessons.

Helpful Key:
Dave 1 - Dave Hickey
Dave 2 - Dave Lane (author)
Dave 3 - Dave 'Taz' Miller
Should any other Dave's wish to join the club, I'm afraid we are full up (Ed).